Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
