why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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