One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
