Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
