just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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