I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
