Just cropdusted the office
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sorry my hands just texted you
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
