Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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