who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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