So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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