omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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