Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
