We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
