Non-Jews are for practice
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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