He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't deserve a penis
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
