How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
