saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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