I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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