If that was your dad, he is hot
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
