So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
