i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
