it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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