what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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