i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
