he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize