she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
