He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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