Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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