i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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