Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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