i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
