so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
