There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm like, not good at living.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize