You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
