dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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