I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Randomize
