corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
