i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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