I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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