yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
