Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
