its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
