Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
