I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
