Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
