Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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