I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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