I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize