So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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