i already hear my dad disowning me
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
