tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just found a bag of teeth...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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