gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize