After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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