you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize