i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
