Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
