This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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