The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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