I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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