I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
