I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
