i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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