woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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