Can i not drive my cunt home
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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