in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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