I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dicks are not precious.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
