i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
