Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
