I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize