Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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