College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he high fived his dick after we had sex
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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