from now on my penis is your penis
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
