i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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