what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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