There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
