My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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