you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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