please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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