She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize