At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
