yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
