You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
do nipples grow back?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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