you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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