ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize