I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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