I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
