Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.

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(361): View more from Texas

Boobs. All I remember is boobs.

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(858): View more from California

Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.

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(323): View more from California

Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?

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(303): View more from Colorado

well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair

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(228): View more from Mississippi

She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?

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(313): View more from Michigan

His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!

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