I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize