hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
