It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
