my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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