Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
