I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
