I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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